


Alone in the Dark

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Coma, Confessions, Hospitals, Hurt Hinata, I can't be arsed to keep updating tags so here's all of them, M/M, Major Character Injury, Pain, Suffer and die my dear readers, comatose hinata, protective kags, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6980641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a split second. A speeding car, an icy road, a tiny middle blocker. Hinata ends up comatose in hospital.<br/>The story of Hinata in a coma, and everyone else around him dealing with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a bit bleh- so if anyone has any better ideas please tell me. Also, on reading this I realised this chapter has a lot of an OC Hinata's mother, sorry about that. Everyone from chapter two onward is an actual character ;-)

A woman screamed. She saw it coming even before he did. A speeding car came round the bend in the road, and Hinata could only stare at it. He was paralysed by shock. Time seemed to slow as he as he saw the car get closer to him. He tried move out the way but he couldn't, the car was going too fast.

There was a thud, and a shudder of pain through his body before he found himself looking up at the sky. The moon was big tonight, he thought.  
He could hear voices but they just seemed so far away, and they were getting quieter. Just fading from him, like the image in front of him. He saw a woman's face miles above him. Like he was looking at her from the bottom of a well. She was saying something, he could see her lips move but he couldn't hear anything. Like the world had been put on mute. The woman kept speaking, and she looked like she was shouting. At him?  
He didn't know. All he knew was he hurt. All over. He wanted, no, needed to scream, but he couldn't. He couldn't speak or move. He watched the woman's face get further and further away from him the world started to spin

He felt the blood, hot and sticky tricking down his face into his eyes, and suddenly panic consumed him. He had just been hit by a car. He couldn't move. He was in agony. Was he dying? And then he realised he was. He was dying. Dying right here in the roadside, alone. Then he thought of Kageyama.

Kageyama.  
He didn't know why his last moments were suddenly full of images of the setter smiling at him, that one time he genuinely smiled at him- just after he had hit his toss just right, and he was god damn beautiful. His blue eyes shining and he perfect face just grinning. Hinata had wanted to kiss him- he didn't, of course, something Kageyama would probably appreciate, but the setter didn't know how Hinata felt about him. And he never would.  
Not after this.  
Hinata would die and Kagyama would never know how the middle blocker felt about him. He wished he had told him. Even if he didn't return his feelings, at least he would have known.

But hindsight is a beautiful thing, and Hinata didn't expect to be dying in the middle of the road tonight, his last words to Kageyama spoken in anger over something that didn't matter. It was that thought that carried him into unconscious, images of Kageyama that slowly faded into darkness.

Hinata had been cycling home from practice when it happened. Kageyama had offered him a lift home, but he's shaken him off and told him it wasn't that far. Kageyama hadn't been happy about it, because it was pitch black and the roads were icy, but Hinata don't listen to him. Kageyama was acting complety out of character, he realised, he wasn't normally interested in Hinata. They had ended up getting into a fight over it, but they had gotten into fights over less. It was that fight that he was thinking about as he rode home, and that fight that he thought about as he lay bleeding out onto the ground.

•••••••  
Hinata's mother checked the clock and cursed. Her son should have been home over three hours ago. She was debating whether to call the police and report him missing, and she decided to give it one more hour. So she waited, feeling sick, by the window. Watching, and waiting for her son to come home.  
Then her phone rang.  
She leapt out her chair to pick it up, nearly dropping it as she did so. When she saw it was Hinata calling she almost cried of relief.  
But it wasn't Hinata who answered.

A low pitched female voice asked "Is this call from your son's phone?"  
"Yes" she said, dread settling in her stomach.  
"I have to inform you that an unconscious boy was brought to hospital a few hours ago. This phone was in his possession, and you were listed under mother."  
"Oh, Shouyou" she whispered, dropping to her knees on the floor.  
"We recommend you come down to Tokyo tonight"  
"Tokyo!? What's he doing in Tokyo?"  
"He was stabilised at a local hospital and then air lifted to Tokyo."  
"How...? How- is he doing" she asked, desperate to know if the images in her head were reality.  
"He's still unconscious. We recommend you come to Tokyo tonight"  
She finally understood what the woman was trying to say. She needed to come tonight, because her son might not be there in the morning.  
"I have a six year old daughter. Should I bring her too?" It was her last hope, if she shouldn't bring Natsu, Shouyou obviously wasn't going to die. The voice on the other end quashed her last hope.

"I think that would be a good idea"

 

Three hours later, she walked into the intensive care unit. She left Natsu with a nurse, so she could have a moment alone, and she was glad she did. She didn't want Natsu to see her brother like this, hundreds of wires and tubes sticking out of him, face mostly obscured by bandages and the thousands of beeping, flashing, humming monitors. 

"Oh Shouyou"  
•••••

Like waking up from a dream, Hinata was aware time had passed, but he had no clue how much. Also unlike a dream, he wasn't awake. He was dimly aware that he was alone, and it was dark. He was completely detached from a body, and it felt like he was floating. Or, not floating ,exactly, just completely detached from everything. He couldn't describe it well, but floating was the closest he could get. He couldn't feel anything. He was completely alone in this dark silent place. He wondered if this was death, and if it was, it wasn't so bad.

There was something peaceful about being alone, but he wasn't lonely. Every so often, a memory would come out of the dark place and remind him of something. He wasn't even entirely sure that they were memories, because the people in them looked only vaguely familiar. They figures in the memories wore black and orange, and something about those colours make him feel happy. He didn't know why, but he didn't know a lot. Most of the time he didn't even know who he was.

Other times, it wasn't a memory, but words. The words didn't make sense to him, they were just background noise, like when you overhear a conversation, but have no need to listen to it. If he had wanted to he could probably have strained his ears to listen to what they said, but he didn't try to, for he didn't care about what the voices said. 

But sometimes words would float up and reach him anyway. Most of them didn't make sense, though some of them were familiar.

"Please Shouyou" he heard that a lot. "Please Shouyou"

But he didn't understand that either.  
Shouyou? Was that him? He didn't know anything in this place. Shouyou. The word echoed round the silent place that consumed him. Shouyou. Was that him? He didn't know.

And then he sank back into complete unawareness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's chapter 1. I've written four more chapters- and I'm still writing more (possibly seven chapters total? I'm not entirely sure yet)  
> If you enjoyed it, kudos makes me happy and if you have any ideas or tips on improving it comments would be cool. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

"Suga" Yamaguchi said softly "Do you think Kageyama's going to be okay?"  
"What? What's happened to him?" Suga said, distracted by something.  
"Didn't you hear about Hinata?"  
"What?" He had Suga's full attention now.  
"He- he got hit by a car on Friday night, on his way home"  
"Oh my god" Suga's maternal instincts for the tiny spiker kicked in. "Is he- is he okay?"  
"He's alive- but Suga, he's in a coma in Toyko."  
"Fuck. Did Noya or Tanaka put you up to this? This isn't funny-"  
"No."  
"Fuck"  
"Yeah" Yamaguchi agreed

"Daichi!" Suga called, needing to tell someone else, needing to not be alone in this.  
"Hmm?"  
Yamaguchi told him.  
"Does Kageyama know?"  
The three of them watched Kageyama for a second, and he didn't look any different to normal.  
"Doesn't look like it" Dachi said  
"Should we tell him?"  
"I guess we have to" Yamaguchi said

So they called him over and they told him. They watched as his face paled and he asked him was it a joke, looking over his shoulder at Noya and Tanaka, eyes wide, just hoping...

"No. I'm sorry Kageyama" Yamaguchi said.  
Kageyama felt himself grow conscious of his increasingly audible breathing, and the world starts to spin and he felt completely sick.  
"I- I want to see him"  
"Kageyama he's in Toyko-" Suga pleaded with the setter  
"I don't care. If I take the right trains I can be there in less than two hours."  
"Kageyama-"  
"I'm going" he said. Nobody tried to argue.

It surprised them all that it was Tsukishima that spoke first.  
"I'm not sure I want to let the King go all alone"  
Perhaps it was the fact there was no tiny voice shouting at Tsukishima for calling the setter a king that really hit home. It prompted Noya into speaking-

"I'm going too"

 Suga sighed

Half an hour later, the whole volleyball team was on a train heading for Tokyo.

 

•••••

Hinata was back in the dark. He was more aware than last time, he knew who he was, at least he thought that he did. He couldn't be sure, because he still wasn't entirely sure this place wasn't a dream. He couldn't even remember how he got here. But he did feel like he was Hinata Shouyou, and that was good enough for now.  
There were no voices floating up to him like before, it was silent. He preferred it like that, when the voices came, they were like stabbings straight through his head. He didn't know how long the episodes of awareness, the times when the darkness was just a little less dark, lasted for- nor did he know how much time went between them. All he knew was right now- he was here. Wherever here was.

"Hinata, can you hear me?"

And there! Like that, a voice amongst the overwhelming silence. It didn't stab him like he expected it to, it seemed to surround him- holding him in an embrace. He recognises the voice, and he knows it. It's just slightly out of reach. He can't place it. He just can't-

"It's Sugawara."

Suga?  
Images of the grey haired setter fill his mind, and the voice is unmistakably clear.

"I don't know if you can hear me-"

_I can Suga, I can_ -

"But maybe, just maybe you can. We're all here with you-"

_Here? Where's here_?

"We only found out a couple hours ago and we came as soon as we found out."

_Found out what? Suga, you're scaring me-_

"Kageyama isn't okay- he says he shouldn't have let you cycle home, that he should of given you a lift. I've told him it isn't his fault, but he still blames himself for that car that hit you-"

_Car? What car_?  
And then suddenly he remembers the way the car turned the bend, the way he tried to move but he couldn't-  
he was stuck-  
The way he lay on the ground, bleeding out-  
The way Kageyama filled his thoughts in those last moments-  
The pain-  
the way he-

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Noya! Get off the fucking vending machine-"

_The vending machine? I need to see this. I can't see it I'm trapped- here. I want out. I want to see-_

"No. I don't care if it was Tanaka's idea- get off the fucking vending machine"

_I miss them so much_

"Noya! Are you kidding me? You're stuck up there?"

_Please. I need to see this. Let me see this_

"If that tips over its going to kill you."

_My senpais are complete idiots_

"No, Noya, rolling thunder will not save you from a vending machine"

_Oh. Suga, don't doubt the rolling thunder._

"Hinata, I should go. I'm sorry, I need to make sure we don't end up with more team members in hospital. I'll try to come back afterward, but I probably won't be able to. Get better soon, Hinata"

_Don't go. Please come back._

 

If he did come back, Hinata wasn't aware. He had slipped back into unconsciousness not long after Suga left.

•••••

Asahi had to stand on the coffee table to lift Nishinoya down from the top vending machine, because Noya wouldn't get down himself. Kageyama took photos of it to show Hinata later, when he woke up.  
If he woke up.

While Daichi shouted at Noya for climbing on to the vending machine and Suga shouted at Tanaka for telling him to do it, Kageyama went into see Hinata alone afterward. He knew in his head what he was going to see, but nothing could have prepared him to see the tiny spiker on a ventilator, covered in wires and tubes. If he hadn't known who was under all the bandages and wires- he might not have recognised him. The only part of the swollen boy that hadn't changed was his hair. The hair was still untameable, bright orange and absolutely everywhere, but it's matted with blood even though they've clearly tried to clean it.

The look of Kageyama's face physically hurt Daichi. It made his chest hurt, the way Kageyama's bottom lip trembled, the way the colour hadn't returned to his face after Yamaguchi told him hours ago.  
Daichi nudged Suga's arm and whispered "He really does love him, doesn't he?"  
"Looks like it"

"Hinata-" he said as he dropped into the chair beside him, holding his hand tight. He spent half an hour with him, not talking about anything in particular- just talking- trying to keep Hinata company. Just sitting there watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest- pretending the wires weren't there. He was babbling, not saying anything that made sense, just empty words. The others didn't stop him, they had to let him talk.

It didn't matter, Hinata didn't hear any of it.


	3. Chapter 3

_"It would have been so much kinder if he'd just died there and then. On the road, the moment he got hit. I wish he had. He's going to die anyway, but now it's taking a week. It kills me. Everyday, watching people visit him. The hope on their faces- because that's the thing, we know what's going to happen but it hasn't happened yet- so there's hope. But the thing is, hope- hope's a bitch._  
_Hope is powerful._  
_Hope controls you, and for a second- you think the unthinkable might actually happen._  
_Hope helps you build a little blanket of denial round you, comforting you._  
_Then hope snatches the rug out from under you, and you're just left alone crying on the bare wood. Hope leaves you and takes everything with it._

_You're new to the job. I've been doing this for over thirty years. I've seen this exact same thing happen time and time again. I've had to tell one hundred and seven mothers their children didn't make it. Of course I know the exact number. You never forget the look on their faces, a face that will never be the same again. You just destroyed someone's life. It's only fair for me to remember each one. You don't forget them, no matter how hard you try._

_Trust me, I know what I'm talking about when I say that these tubes, the ones that are keeping him alive- they aren't doing him any favours."_

••••••

He finds himself drifting between the two states of unconsciousness. The line between the two of them blurs together. He can't hold a complete thought in this new place- nothing makes sense. He can hear a low buzzing coming both ears and it doesn't stop- it never stops. And it's so painful. Not a particular pain, just like the pain echoes round his skull causing destruction and he needs nothing more than to scream- but he can't.  
He can't do anything.  
He can't say anything.  
He can't remember anything.

All he knows is he's alone.  
In the dark.  
In pain.  
Alone.

  
Years ago he went to the beach. Natsu was a tiny baby and he was ten or eleven. He spent the whole day in the sea, bobbing up and down with the waves. He spent the day kicking him self up from the sandy base, standing in a part of the sea that was just out of his depth. It was fun, it was enjoyable, until one wave came out from behind and swept him back into the sea. He was an okay swimmer, he shouldn't have panicked. But he was ten, and he did panic. The depth of the sea was pulling him down into it and the harder he struggled, the harder it pulled. He was fighting, fighting with all he had to stay afloat, fighting for one more breath of air. There was a point when he wasn't even trying to get back to the beach anymore, he was just trying to keep his head above the water, but on that day, that was enough. He only needed to stay above water long enough for someone else to come and save him.

That was like now. Now when he's giving all he has just to avoid going any further into the depths of his mind. He knows if he goes in any further he won't be coming out again. He isn't trying to get out of the prison his body has become anymore either, he's trying to not go in any further.  
But unlike the day on the beach, when he just needed to stay afloat long enough for someone else to save him, there's no one else to save him here- and he's not strong enough to save himself.

And as the gentle hum that he can hear becomes more insistent, more painful, becomes everything he knows. That hurts too. He wants, needs it to stop. He doesn't care how, he just wants out.

Pictures flash before him, of people, people in orange and black. People he couldn't name, not for the life of him. He sees balls and nets and something about them makes him happy, but he doesn't know how or why. He sees images of a dark haired boy, a number 9 on his shirt. He doesn't know who the boy is.

Then it all disappears. The insistent buzzing, the thoughts. The pain-  
Gone.

And then, a voice-

"He isn't doing well."

_What?_

"No- he can't hear me, and even if he could, it doesn't matter- he'll most likely be dead by morning"

_I can hear you. Stop talking about me like I'm already dead._

"Have you spoken to his mother?"  
"I have- we suggested we took out some of the tubes, make him more comfortable- she said no"  
"Did you tell her he isn't going to wake up?"

_I'm not going to wake up?_

"We don't know that-"  
"Come on-"  
"There's a seventy percent chance he'll be dead by morning"

_What? I don't want to die-_

"But that still leaves a thirty percent chance that he won't"

_Thirty? Is that it?_

"Yes, he lives so he can die tomorrow. What's his actually chance of recovery? And I mean proper recovery, not the unable to walk or talk type of recovery. What's the chance he comes out of this the person he was before?"

_Please_

"Just under three percent"

_Three? Three percent? That's-_

"See what I mean? He's already dead"

_I'm not! I'm not dead!  
Not yet._

 

•••••

Kenma found out about Hinata through Kuroo, who was in turn informed by Daichi. He only found out this morning when Kuroo asked him if he had heard.

They came down to the hospital after school finished. Kuroo came with Kenma because he felt his friend needed the support. Kenma and the shrimp were close.  
And he wasn't jealous- not at all.  
Definitely not.

  
But he felt Kenma needed him now. And he wanted to see the shrimp too, because he cared about Hinata.

"You alright?" He asked as they walked into the reception.  
Kenma nodded. He didn't like hospitals. At all. The whole aura of the place- he hated it. He hated the way they dressed it up in bright colours, to pretend it was pleasant. But that was a lie- it was a place people came to die, a place families and friendships were shattered. Death lurks in the hospitals. It is a part of the walls, it is in every tile on the floor, every button in the lift.  
Why? Because like the doctors, death has a job to do. Death looks at each patient saying 'no, no, not yet' or 'yes, now' . Death only takes someone when the time is right- but when someone is comatose in the intensive care unit, that's often the right time. He knew that from experience. He couldn't even walk past a hospital. But now he was in one.  
He hadn't been in a hospital for years, but now, Shouyou needed him.

They only had five minutes with him before the monitors all started beeping and screeching and several doctors and nurses came running in. They hurried Kenma and Kuroo outside, and they were told to wait there for the time being.  
Kenma sat on his hands, looking throughly sick. He looks massively out of place when he isn't huddled over his game.  
"Where's your game?" Kuroo asked, desperate to try and alleviate the pained silence in the room.  
"Didn't bring it"  
"Oh."  
Silence again.

Forty five minutes later, a nurse came out. He's taken a turn for the worse, she said. He might not last the night. Another nurse is calling his mother and they should really tell everyone who might want to come see him, because he might not have that long.

"But" Kenma asks "can we see him now?"  
"Of course"

  
•••••

"Shouyou? It's me, Kenma"

_Who? Who's Kenma?_

"Kuroo is here with me-"

_Who's Kuroo? Why are they here?_

"We only just heard-"

_Heard about what? I don't understand, I don't-_

  
Then he stopped hearing them or thinking about them.  
The darkness got a little bit darker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support so far. I'm very new to writing and I had doubts about actually posting... But I'm glad I did. I think we're halfway through the story now, I think six chapters is going to finish the fic. Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the whole fic as context for this one chapter. This is my favourite chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Kageyama was on his way to volleyball practice when it happened. He was feeling the loss of not having a little orange ball beside him, racing him there. That hurt. And then Kuroo called him

"Kageyama"  
"Yes?"  
"It's Kuroo"  
"Okay?-"  
"Me and Kenma just visited Hinata-"  
"Oh?" The setter said, desperately trying to quash the hope in his voice.  
"It- it- isn't good Kageyama. They aren't sure if he'll survive the night"  
"Oh."  
"You're on your way to practice?"  
"Yes?"  
"Tell Karasuno" he paused "if any of you want to come down and need a place to stay, you can stay with me"  
"Okay- I'll- I'll tell them"  
"You okay?"  
Kageyama paused "No. Not really"

Daichi's face fell when he told him.  
"I can't go with you Kageyama, the whole of third year has a big thing on tonight - and I'm not letting the second years go without us. Not after last time."  
"Yeah, I- I know"  
"I think you should go, though"  
"Can I be let off practice today?, I- the trains-"  
"Go"  
"Thank you"

  
Kageyama found the train different to every other time he had gotten on the train, the mindless commuters angered him, as they continued their lives, like Hinata wasn't dying in hospital. He wondered how many people had looked at him and felt like this before, them on the edge of a breakdown, him completely unaware. People died and were dying all the time. But none of them were his boyfriend.

 _What?_  
No. He didn't mean that. No. Hinata wasn't his boyfriend, absolutely not. He didn't want Hinata as a boyfriend, no, of course not.  
But that was a lie, wasn't it?  
A lie that he didn't live for the spiker's grin, for his messy red hair. A lie that he didn't dream about those warm brown eyes and-  
He stopped-  
"That's really, really gay, Tobio" he said to himself.

He had had a hard time coming to terms with his sexuality. When he'd started junior high, he'd had a thing for Oikawa. Not that anyone knew about that, and he wasn't planning on letting anyone find out. He'd told himself it was nothing, even the straightest people sometime liked people of the same gender, and to be honest- Oikawa Tooru was hot. So he'd brushed it off saying he was confused, he liked girls, yes- girls were pretty, girls were cute. He forced himself to go out with girls, even though he didn't like them, not really, not in the way he was supposed to like them. He tried, really tried, and there were some girls he really did like.

But Oikawa was always in the back of his mind.

And right about the time he got over Oikawa, he met Hinata Shouyou. Shouyou was a dumbass, never knowing his own limits, unable to carry a meaningful conversation about anything but volleyball. But he loved him. He loved his endless stamina, the tiny frame that contained so much energy. He loved his orange hair that was messy no matter what. He loved the way his eyes lit up when he hit a spike-  
And he wasn't going to let anyone find out about that, either.

And no one was going to. The only person he wanted to know was Hinata, and Hinata would never know now  
No.  
No. No, he needed to stop thinking like that. It didn't help Hinata or himself. Hinata could still get better. It was unlikely, yes- but people had recovered from more.

  
But then, people had died from less.

  
•••••

  
A nurse stopped him before he went in to see Hinata.  
"Is he your friend?" He nodded "it isn't looking good"  
"Oh?"  
"We don't expect him to survive the night"  
"How likely is-"  
"It's always hard to-"  
"Give me a number"  
"Of surviving tonight? Just under thirty percent"  
Kageyama swallowed  
"If he survives tonight? Twenty percent chance he wakes up"  
"Oh."  
" _IF_ he wakes up, and that's a big _IF_ , mind you, it's only fifty percent he'll be the way he was before. Other fifty and he'll be permanently brain damaged"  
He paused, numbers running in his head  
"That's less than three percent"

She nodded, nothing else for her to say.  
"Go in"

  
•••••

Shouyou was more aware than he ever had been. He recognised every voice that came to see him, picked up conversations on the other side of the room. He could even feel when someone held his hand. He felt so lonely, even when the people spoke to him. He wanted so badly to let them know he could hear them, just to squeeze their hand back. He'd tried so hard to say something, just to let them know he was here. He couldn't.

He knew far more about his own condition than he did before, too- the doctors seemed to assume he couldn't hear them anymore and had stopped avoiding discussing him within earshot. They certainly didn't think he was waking up. He didn't know if this newfound awareness was the beginning of the end, his body was giving up, and allowing his mind to finally work. Or maybe he was getting better. He hoped for the latter but he feared it was the first.

He still had no concept of time, he only knew the times where people spoke to him, and the times where there was nothing except him and his own thoughts. His mother was the last person to visit him, she brought Natsu with her. She clearly thought it was the end. He could hear her trying to be strong, but it was for Natsu not him- she didn't think he could hear her.  
But he could.

It broke his heart when he heard Natsu hold his hand and ask his mother-  
" _Shouyou's going to be fine, isn't he?"_  
He heard his mother swallow  
_"I don't know Natsu- not anymore"_

He couldn't die. He couldn't hurt his sister like that. He couldn't hurt his mother like that. He had to survive, but he didn't seem to be in control of that. But that wasn't good enough, not for his sister. He needed to live, if not for himself- for her.

He heard a door swing. Someone came into the room, he could hear their footsteps. He didn't know if it was a nurse coming to check he was alive, or a friend coming to talk to him. He hoped it was a visitor- he didn't know how much more of hearing he was a lost cause he could take. Then he felt someone take his hand. He wondered who it was, his mother had only recently left so it couldn't be her-

  
"Hinata- it's Kageyama"

_Kageyama? You came? You care about me?_

"The nurse- she just stopped me in the corridor. Told me I was wasting my time"

_You aren't_

"She said you were as good as dead. You weren't waking up and there's no way you could hear me"

_I can hear you. She's wrong. I'm going to live, I'm going to-_

"You've got less than a three percent chance of coming out of this, did you know that?"

_I did. I can hear them discuss me when they think I can't hear. I know just how bad it is._

"But someone's got to be in that three percent. People have survived more than this. I believe you're going to live. You have to."

_I'll try Kageyama- kun. I don't really want to die either._

"You probably can't hear me, and I think that's the only reason I've got the courage to say what I'm about to-"

_Kageyama? What's wrong?_

"I- I-"

_Spit it out._

"I swear if you come out this coma and tell me you heard what I'm about to say- I'll punch you."

_Oh, that's not fair, Kageyama_

"Well, I'd hug you first, then I'd punch you"

_Hugging? You don't even like high-fives -what's wrong?_

"God damn it, I love you, Hinata" and then again, quieter "I love you"

_You what? You love- me? Am I hallucinating? Am I dying?_

"I've loved you since the first time you hit one of my tosses. The way you looked at me, eyes shinning, grinning- I loved you then, and I love you now."

_I'm dying. I must be. This isn't real. Kageyama isn't actually saying he loves me-_

"And fuck, I look at you now- lying here covered in tubes, wires, on a fucking ventilator and I still think you're beautiful."

_Kageyama-kun, that's really gay_

"I want to kiss you. I desperately want to kiss you"

_I don't mind. I want you to kiss me too._

"I don't know whether it's the fairytale 'kiss makes everything better' thing or the fact I'm just really, really gay for you Shouyou"

_Go on then. Kiss me. Please?_

"But I won't- I won't because I doubt you'd want me to kiss you"

 _I do, Kageyama, I do_.

"And even though I wish I could kiss you, I'm content with holding your hand"

•••

  
And he tried, he tried so hard to squeeze Kageyama's hand. To let him know that he was here. That he heard him. To lend him strength. Lending him strength was weird really, given he was comatose and the setter was healthy- but from the way his voice broke as he spoke- Hinata knew the setter needed it more than he did.  
He tried so hand to clench his fingers together, just to move them slightly- but he couldn't do it. He only knew where his hand was because he could feel the gentle pressure applied by Kageyama.

 _Please_ he begged of his hand _just move_

For the whole hour Kageyama sat there, Hinata could only think about trying to move his hand. He couldn't even hear what he was saying, he was trying so hard.

And nothing, nothing could ever compare to the pain he felt when Kageyama left.

He didn't know Kageyama left wondering if that tiny twitch he felt in Hinata's fingers was real or not.


	5. Chapter 5

Kageyama shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. It's hadn't seemed so cold on the way to the Hospital, but it felt cold now. It was beginning to rain and the wind was starting to pick up again, whipping his hair round his face. He watched the crowds from where he stood, sheltered from the rain in the shadow of a building. He looked at their faces. Some of them laughed, some cried, most intently at their phones.   
None of the knew Hinata. None of them cared.

He shouldn't have left Hinata there.

He realised, that if he was right, that Hinata's hand did squeeze his, just lightly- just for a second- he should tell someone. He alone knew about it, and given how the doctors had seemingly given up on Hinata- it could be important. He checked his watch. He wouldn't make his train, and he was closer to the hospital than he was to the station. He could go back. He should go back.

So he did go back, taking the stairs to eighth floor and going into the room Hinata occupied, to find it full of nurses and doctors. The room was alive with hushed whispers-

"I think he's coming back-"  
"He might pull through, yet-"  
"His vitals, they're almost back to normal-"  
"He was getting worse all through today-"  
"I'm not convinced. We'll probably still lose him-"  
"Watch- I don't think so-"

  
The setter just watched, his quiet "Hinata?" forgotten in the commotion of the room.

•••••

  
_Kageyama? Are you still there? Please be there. It's dark and lonely here. It hurts and it hurts even more to hear people talk to me. To hear their voices crack and tremble as they look at me. I need someone with me, Kageyama. Please stay. Please-_

It's dark. Completely black. Absence of colour or light. Black. And then slowly he feels himself start to lift. Like he's flying. Like the black around his is going past at incredible speeds, but he can't quite see it. He watches as the inky blackness turns to the darkest navy. It's nothing really, it's still black- but it's just a little less black. And after a week alone in the dark, that's massively beautiful.

He continues to rise and the navy turns to a royal blue. His body starts to hurt more and more and he hears more and more around him.  
Is he coming back?  
He hopes he's coming back.

The blue turns to teal, undertones of purple meshing into those of green. He remembers everything that's happened to him in this dark strange place. The confusion at the beginning, Suga's visit, whatever the fuck happened with the vending machine, his mother and Kageyama.

_"God damn it, I love you, Hinata"_  
Did he say that? Hinata didn't know. He hoped he did. He prayed Kageyama did say that. But who knows? He was dying. He might be hallucinating even this. But he didn't think he was hallucinating that. He felt the pressure of the setters hand in his, the gentle tremble in Kageyama's voice as he spoke.  
 _"I love you_ "  
He doubted he could imagine that.

The green turns to yellow, and he just sees Kageyama. He hears his voices, sees his face, every thought he has is consumed with the setter, blue eyes shinning against the paling yellow

" _I think he's coming back"_  
"Look at the monitors"  
"I think he's going to wake up-"

He hoped he was going to wake up too.  
The yellow pales until it's white. Completely white, and then all the sounds die down for just a second. But only a second.

He sees the face of a nurse swimming above him, her facial features coming in and out of focus, her lips and the words she's saying not in sync with each other, and then he sees Kageyama Tobio. Just like the nurse he can't really see him- his face is blurry and twisting in ways that make him feel like he's six feet underwater. The image doesn't clear, but he does hear, loud and clear  
"Can you hear me?"

He tries to say, yes I can, only to find a tube in his mouth. He coughs, trying to dislodge it, but it's all the way down his throat. He nods once, before falling back into the black. But it's a different black, more like sleep and less like a nightmare.

••••

Kageyama waits by Hinata's side as the nurses remove the ventilator, after checking he can breathe on his own. They remove some of the wires and tubes too. Kageyama just sits and holds Hinata's hand, waiting for him to come round again.

An hour later, Hinata's breathing rhythm changes slightly, and the tiny fingers in his hand twitch. Then his eyes open. His eyes are more alert than they were before, but Kageyama can tell just from his eyes that he's on heavy painkillers and he's completely dazed. He coughs before he speaks- his voice scratchy and quiet from the lack of use.  
"Kageyama?"  
"Hinata?"

Hinata stopped, seemingly distracted by something. God, he was on some pretty heavy duty painkillers.

"Hinata?"  
"I love you, Kageyama"

Hinata fell asleep again, leaving Kageyama wondering what just happened. Did he just say that? Did he mean it? Did he-

A different nurse pushes him out the room, tells him to go home, Hinata needs to rest and he isn't going to be waking up again to night.  
"Come down tomorrow if you want. It'll be Saturday, you won't have school. He'll probably be awake and responding by then, but there's no point in you spending the night here."

The rain has stopped by the time Kageyama walks back to the station, and once he's on the train he fishes his phone out his back pocket.

He types into it-

_'Do people on heavy painkillers mean what they're saying'_

He isn't sure if he wants to know if Hinata meant what he said. Part of him hopes Hinata does return his feelings but if he did, and if they acted on the feelings- it's opens a whole can or worms that Kageyama isn't sure he wants opened. It could severely hurt the team if they fought or if they broke up. And he values his volleyball more than anything else.  
But that's a lie. He loves the tiny middle blocker. And if that tiny middle blocker loved him back- that was something he dreamt about.  
What he was truly scared of was if he loved Hinata far more than the middle blocker loved him back. That would hurt far more than if he didn't love him at all. What if-   
But he was just scared of what could be happening. If he didn't return his feelings- he- he could live with that. But if he did love him and the spiker loved him just as much as he loved Hinata, that was something he was far less prepared to deal with.

He looked down at his phone. He scrolled through the links. Nothing.  
He adjusted his search slightly and tried again.  
 _No signal_  
Damn.

He tried once more, refreshing the page and he didn't even need to open a page, for his answer was under one of the links in the description:

_"Intoxication (whether through alcohol, recreational drugs or painkillers) leads to a loss of inhibitions. The part of the mind that reasons, and weighs the downsides of something is lost, leading to people being unable to hide their true feelings or reveal secrets previously untold..."_

There. There it was. Shouyou loved him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

When Kageyama gets back to the ICU in Tokyo, it's just after nine in the morning. He got up early to catch the first train out. He opens the door, but Hinata's bed is empty. There's a woman cleaning the bed, spraying everything with disinfectant, humming to herself. She turns and looks at him

"Are you looking for Hinata Shouyou?"

Yes. Typical. He got his hopes up, thinking maybe Hinata was going to be okay, and look what fucking well happened. He got better, so he left. He went home and he slept well, he woke up smiling. He got here and what? _Hinata's dead._

"He's fine."  
Oh.  
"They moved him downstairs. He doesn't need to be in Intensive care anymore"  
"Oh"  
"Take the stairs at the end of the hall, down two flights and go to your left- he'll be there"

She smiles at him, and despite himself he smiles back.

He finds the right ward on the first try, and when he opens the door, he's greeted by the sight of a large room, the walls a pale green. There are a dozen beds in the room, and Kageyama looks around, eyes searching for his tiny spiker. He spots a familiar glint of red hair at the far end of the room and he can't stop himself from running.

Shouyou looks a lot more like himself than he did before, his body no longer swollen and bandaged, nor covered in IV lines. Kageyama had been playing this moment over and over in his head. Thinking up different situations. Hundreds of different conversations that alway ended up with them kissing. He honestly didn't know what to expect when he walked in. But he didn't expect Hinata to be asleep.

At first, the sight of a sleeping Hinata filled him with fear, had he slipped back into the coma? Had he slipped back into unconsciousness that he might never awake from? He might-

"He's okay. He's just sleeping" A woman says from behind him. She must have seen his face. "He's lucky. He's completely fine. They were doing scans this morning, there's no permanent damage at all. He'll probably be back home by the end of the week."

And as if on cue, Hinata starts to stir slightly, mumbling Kageyama's name in his sleep.  
"Hinata?" He whispers, because the spiker really is beautiful- just lying there the colour in his face returned. His tiny chest muscles expanding and contracting-  
He realises he's watching Hinata sleep, and that was a new level of creepy. He wasn't going to stoop that low. But he was just so goddamn beautiful. And it's that thought he holds in his mind as he leans over and presses kiss to Hinata's lips.  
He wasn't thinking-  
He shouldn't have-

 _But he did._  
And as he opens his eyes, pulling away from Hinata, he sees that the spiker's eyes are wide open and Hinata is watching his face. Kageyama feels his face grow hot with a blush that stretches all over his neck and head.  
"I-uh-I'm sorry Hinata"  
he stammers and he tried to pull away but he can't, he feels a small hand gently curled round the back of his neck, stopping him from moving any further away. Hinata's hand.

"It's okay"  
"What?"  
"I heard you"  
"What?" Kageyama starts to panic slightly, unsure what Hinata's talking about.  
"You said you loved me. You didn't think I could hear. I could"  
"And?" Kageyama tries to quash the hope inside of him, he thinks he knows what Hinata's about to say-  
"And I love you too, Bakageyama"  
"Oh" Kageyama says, and that's really all there is to say.

And with that, Hinata pulls Kageyama back down and kisses him back. It's better than before because Hinata is kissing him back, his lips are warm and soft and it's like he's falling into them and-  
Hinata stops.

"What?" Kageyama asks  
"Are you crying, Kageyama?" He says, pointing at the setter whose eyes are welling up with tears and are beginning to spill over his eyelashes.  
"What? No." Kageyama turns away quickly, hiding his face from Hinata "Of course not"  
"You are!"  
"No. Shut up, you- you dumbass"  
"I missed you, stupid Kageyama"  
"I missed you too, dumbass"

Kageyama sits down in the chair next to Hinata's bed, their fingers still entwined.

"So, Dumbass- when are you coming back to volleyball?"

Hinata smiles, and then they kiss again.

•••

It's two months later when Hinata is next playing in a match with Kageyama. He was back at volleyball within a couple weeks of being released from hospital, but it took him a few months to get back to wear he was before. A week in coma really wrecks havoc on his stamina and jumps, but he gets them back eventually. And it's Hinata who scores the winning spike, his hand hitting the palm of his hand, and oh-

It's been two months since he had that feeling.  
Two months.  
It's weird, because he used to think he would feel empty without that feeling, and to some extent he did. But there was something new in his life, filling up the space temporarily vacated by volleyball.  
Kageyama Tobio.

Nobody knew about him and Kageyama yet, because they felt it would complicate thing of they fought, and because Kageyama wasn't fully ready to come out yet. Hinata was fine with that, as long as he had Kageyama Tobio, everything was okay. Despite that, when Kageyama saw Hinata's face light up as he spiked, he couldn't stop himself.  
He walked over to Hinata-  
He picked him up, feeling Hinata wrap his arms round his neck-  
And then he pressed his lips against his.

And when they pulled apart, Kageyama was about to say something, but they were interrupted by the staring eyes of everyone in the room.

It was silent.  
And then a laugh-  
"Ha. I win Daichi! I win! What did I fucking tell you? They're both homo as fuck. You owe me a pork bun-"  
And then the captain leaned over and kissed the vice-captain, cutting him off mid-sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing this. Today's my last day of exams, so I'll probably be posting a celebratory one-shot within a week.(haven't actually written it, but I have ideas)  
> Thanks so much for reading.


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